Member Testimonial: Lisa Nezwazky

When I moved to Memphis in August of 1986, I was a young wife and mother of two little girls. We moved south from New Hampshire. I was a northern girl. I learned quickly what a “heat index” was and that cockroaches could grow to ginormous proportions. I had never had an air conditioner. I couldn’t get “y'all” to roll off my tongue, I said “you guys”. I had a lot to adjust to and didn’t know if I wanted to.

I had already discovered the Unitarian church in New England and I was excited to find that Memphis had a Unitarian church. We came that first hot August Sunday, with a heat index of 105, delighted to find that the church had air conditioning because our car did not.

We became regulars. There was free babysitting for an hour every Sunday and I was exhausted. At least I could count on getting a little rest once a week. Slowly, I began to meet people. I began to actually listen to the sermon and things were getting better, but I still missed home and my northern culture.

One afternoon, I met with Burton (Rev. Burton Carley) in his office. I was distraught, pining for home, an exhausted working mom. Burton described our faith as a cafeteria, and I could go down the food line and make my choice of what to put on my tray. I said that I had already done most of that, I had my tray loaded, I just didn’t know where I wanted to sit and who I wanted to sit with. He told me that I needed to find home. And I needed to find home inside of myself.

I took his words to heart and started searching for this home in myself. Meanwhile at church, there was the Halloween Trunk Or Treat Party, and then Stone Soup Sunday. Nifty Gifty Day for children in the church to make and wrap Christmas gifts, and Carols for us all to sing around the tree. Christmas Candlelight Service and then the Easter Service to remind us of our daily resurrections. I took part in the high holy sacrament of Kite Day, then Flower Communion to re-affirm our commitment to peace and diversity. These Church of the River traditions and rituals became the rhythm of my growing family’s life and the people I shared these with became our friends.

My three daughters, Addie, Hannah and Julie, grew up in this church. They grew through the seasons and the traditions of our church. They were Santa Lucia girls! Here, at this church, they learned to grow in character and intelligence by watching y’all’s examples and by hearing Burton’s words. They grew with an understanding of their sexuality through the OWL (Our Whole Lives) program. They grew in a Unitarian identity while learning about the different faiths of the world. They grew in tolerance. In junior high and high school they grew through service and shared outings with their church friends. They grew with a sense of morality, a sense of humor and with doubt. They followed in our footsteps and became heretics, too. They grew in friendships, many of whom they still keep in touch with.

So, my daughters and I have lived in Memphis and have been here in this church since 1988.

And then, 5 years ago I left. The girls were grown, out of college and launched…. yay! I wanted to have adventures, too. I took a traveling physical therapy position. Every 3 months, I took a new contract in a different city/state. Each place, I attended yoga classes and the Unitarian church. Each Unitarian church had its own traditions and histories. It was great fun, so exciting, so many people to meet, so much to learn.

 I got tired, worn down, too much movement. I knew I needed to go home, but I didn’t really know where that was.

And then, I knew. I knew I had to disagree with Burton’s long ago advice. Although I had grown to find peace within myself as he had encouraged me, I had really found home in this church. I returned to Memphis, I returned home to y’all and The Church of the River.

Addie still attends the church, sometimes, and will be teaching again this year in the high school religious education class. Hannah, who is presently trekking through Nepal, wakes every morning with Burton’s prayer on her lips: “This is the day we have been given. We did not create it, we may not deserve it…but it is ours to search the good thereof”. Julie is in New York following her Unitarian heart and is in grad school to become a social worker.

The past leads us right here to the present:

Let’s get present. Breathe. Look around.

In this present moment, there is opportunity to find love and friendship, to lay the foundation of home for each one of us.

When my daughter, Hannah, wants to get to know someone, she asks two questions:

• What have you learned recently?
• What are you really psyched about right now?

So let’s try it. Let’s make a friend, build a foundation for home right now. Turn to someone sitting near you, and ask them, "What have you learned recently?"

This is why I support this church. It is my home. It is a place where I was able to grow through heartache and through joy, where people can grow, learn and be accepted, no matter who they love and no matter what faith tradition they follow; a place where we can be of service and be cared for. It’s a place where I can disagree with the minister, where I can disagree with ya’ll and still be loved, it’s a place I can return to, a place where I can be supported in my doubts.

Every moment in history has led to this moment right now. Because COR members of the past have steadfastly supported this church, this beacon of light, tolerance, intelligence, acceptance and love, we are sitting here right now. Will our future descendents be able to say this of us?