Member Testimonial: William Holt

I will start out with a little context. I believe context is of the utmost importance, so I would feel like a fool to leave it out. II will try to bear as much as possible about how I came to be here, and how it has changed me. Because, if just one person can connect to my story then it is worth telling.

I was the first-born of two teenagers. My mom was seventeen. My dad was nineteen. They were joined in holy matrimony when they found out about me. All odds were against them. It was a very abusive home with drugs and alcohol playing a large role. My mother paralyzed by fear, my father driven by it. Neither of my parents had anything other than a high school education. It was rough.

We bounced from place to place. We divided our time between government housing, mobile homes, apartments, and finally later on a solid home to call our own. I was always switching schools, which at the time left me little time for anything other than dodging fists.

My father worked three jobs. My mother stayed at home. Which at the time was all for the best. Then my parents started visiting a local Church of Christ. They became avid Church of Christ members. My mother was hired later on to be an administrative assistant to the pastor. My home life didn’t change that much, except for there was less beer to throw away.

Church was a change of pace at least. I found friends and it became a very restrictive but oddly enjoyable place to visit. I never really felt at home there, but my parents found all their answers to life’s problems wrapped up in one nice little package.

Later in Bible class I learned that this package was not for opening, matter of fact it wasn’t to be looked at closely, studied, or questioned in any way. I was supposed to take their word for what was in the box, and stand in awe at its supposed glory. My questions about “God the Creator” and his apparent hand in creating all things good and evil were met with scorn and ridicule.

In 2000, my then girlfriend but soon to be wife Katherine, left our small college town of Auburn, Alabama in search of jobs in the big city of Birmingham, Alabama. We were lucky to find jobs and did well for ourselves. Quickly and to my own astonishment, I delivered myself to the world of corporate management. With ferocious appetite I rushed to purchase all the things I never had as a child. As a family, we were making significantly more money than our parents ever had, so were able to accomplish these useless goals.

Young and stupid, we conquered triviality. We collected the mundane. We cultivated repetition. With our so called “higher learning” and the debt that came along with that, we quickly fell into the trap of materialism. I worked long hours and so did Katherine. After Amelia, our oldest child was born, we hardly saw her except at the dinner table. Why did we have a child if we were rarely able to see her or spend time with her? This troubled me beyond what I could explain here.

I loathed the commercial driven culture I found myself involved in. It was just simply easier to chase folly, because our culture was built on it. The infrastructure was already there. Then came the 2008 financial crisis. I lost my job. We lost a colossal amount of money. I went through bankruptcy, depression, addiction, and was spit out on the other side stripped of most of my possessions and my pride, and what a grandiose blessing it was!

The reason I share this entire “back story” is because it matters. It’s essential in understanding how I had come to perceive life, full of restraints, road blocks, red tape, so on and so forth. The values I saw myself as possessing were not being played out in my actions. I had no deeds to support my ideals. In short, I was living without integrity.

By 2011, I had found myself looking for some spiritual solace. I tried yoga, tai chi, daily mediations, and although all this lead me in the right direction, it was missing one vital component….PEOPLE. I needed to interact with people in a devotional setting that was not opposed to critical thinking.

So in short, I came to Church of the River seeking freedom and integrity. I had examined my past environment and all I could see were dead ends and potholes. Traps were prevalent. I was looking for freedom from oppressive religious dogma. I was looking for freedom from the folly of materialism. I was looking for freedom from expectations about what I should become. I was looking for freedom from the obligations others cast upon me. I wasn’t looking for people similar to me. I was looking for understanding. A place of refuge where our family could heal and be renewed.

I will say I was not disappointed. The first time I came to this sanctuary, I looked around and saw sincerity. I found freedom in every nook. Freedom from religious dogma, expectations, obligations, freedom to create my own spiritual narrative based on as many ideas as I felt necessary. Freedom to find out where I fit in this landscape of love.

Later, I found freedom when just sitting in the pews, our moments of silence, in the thoughts and feeling shared from the pulpit. Burton’s topics and lessons were so consistent with what our family was going through at the time; I could have sworn he had developed some type of telepathy. The freedom in heartfelt voices of the choir. Freedom in the voyages my soul took on the notes deliver by the pianist. The freedom I received from the ideas and conversations I had with fellow members. The experience was so liberating it’s hard to explain.

Because of the support here, I have had a place to reevaluate my priorities. I was able to lay down my shield and sword at the door, and be accepted with love. Church of the River and its fellow members, have created a place that allows for spiritual growth and understanding.

For example, I had always pondered the idea of homeschooling my children and spending more time with them. Through the love and support of fellow members, I was able to make the necessary sacrifices and become a stay at home father and teacher to my children. It has become one of the most enriching and enlightening experiences of my life. I love to write poetry. I have been writing poetry since high school. Through the dedication of fellow members and the creation of Poetry Connection, I have written more decent poetry while under this roof than in any other class or workshop. I wanted to escape my self-centered nature by volunteering my time to help others. Through the many opportunities available here, Family Ministry, Hospitality Hub, Red Cross, I have been able to spend my time assisting others in a goal which in turn helps me grow. I was in dire need of positive fellowship, which is available at every corner from adult religious study classes: Questions of Faith, Quest group, etc... to family friendly fellowship like First Friday and Supper Club.

So in conclusion, I have found here freedom, love, integrity and a healthy environment to grow. But the most important thing I have learned is that we, the people sitting in these pews right now, our involvement in the activities of this church and our support of its endeavors is essential to maintaining the atmosphere. So I hope in the future to be more and more involved in what is going on here at this wonderful abode. At this moment I don’t have a lot of money, but that is ok. I can make up for it with what I do have, time and passion for life and love. I will give these in generous amounts, so that generations beyond me will be able to enjoy the same healing and fulfillment that I have found.